One of my mother’s greatest attributes was how giving she was. She gave up her life for her family, she gave up work to raise my sister and I, and she would go above and beyond for anyone she cared about. It’s a quality that shines through my sister and I as well. So, when one of my mom’s best friends, Milton, needed a place to stay, she offered him the whole house and all of our food. Milton was like an uncle to me and my sister; he knew us since the day we popped out of the womb. When my 8-year-old self heard that he was coming to stay with us, I knew it meant I would be spoiled with nothing but sweets and toys for the next month.
At the time, Milton had just lost his job and could not afford to pay his rent. That’s why he asked my mom if he could stay with us. Since Milton was accompanying my sister and me, my mom felt no need to hire us a babysitter when she had to go to work. It was a beautiful summer morning, and my mom had just left for work at 8 am. As soon as I stepped outside, the warmth kissed my cheek and the birds greeted me with their mesmerizing songs. Our backyard was filled with bundles of hydrangeas, roses, tulips; any flower you could think of, we had. Since my sister was 3 years older than me, it meant she was always in charge. But what it also meant was that she was in charge of all the chores around the house. So, she had to water the plants, to keep them as lively and colorful as possible. I felt it was my duty to organize our room since I knew she had to do everything else around the house. As I was making our beds, I heard a knock at the door and I shouted, “Come in!” When I turned around and realized it was Milton my heart filled with excitement, hoping that he was going to announce a trip to the ice cream shop.
Milton sat on my bed and pulled me onto his lap. He began with his usual line, “Como esta mi princesa, usted sabe que usted es la más hermosa del mundo?” This means, “How is my Princess, do you know that you’re the most beautiful girl in the world?” He always made me feel like a special little girl, but something was off this time. I felt his heart start racing against my back and he began stroking his hand up and down my thigh. The goosebumps had invaded my body and spread from my toes to my head. My 8-year-old mind couldn’t comprehend what was happening. He slid his hand down my pants and my underwear and he began touching me. I still didn’t know what was happening. There were no thoughts, no words, I was internally screaming but for some reason, I couldn’t produce any sound. What I didn’t realize was that my body had gone into shock. Although I couldn’t figure out what was happening, I knew it wasn’t right. I tried to slide down his lap but he gripped me tighter with his other hand. All of a sudden I felt as if someone had turned on a light in my brain, and I jumped out of his lap and ran like there was no tomorrow. As I ran out I heard him yell something behind me, but to this day I don’t know what it was.
I didn’t know where I was running, I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I spotted my sister watering the plants, and I quickly ran up to her, losing my breath more and more every second. I stood next to her and tried to hide the fact that I was hyperventilating. She asked me “Are you okay? What Happened?” All the words recounting what had just happened ran through my mind at what seemed like 100 mph. But they quickly scattered and all I could manage to blurt out was “Nothing. I just wanted to check in on you.” Although I hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t said anything either, I felt protected in her presence. It was enough for me to calm down, regroup my breath and my thoughts.
Suddenly when I peered out the window later that night, the fluorescent colors of the flowers had faded into nothing but dullness. I looked in the bathroom mirror, and all I could do was stare back and cry. I wanted to rip my skin off, I looked down at my body and it didn’t feel like my own. I felt truly disgusted by the fact that he would do that but most of all that I had let this happen to myself. He had ripped the innocence right from my hands. I kept thinking how could I be so dumb? How could I let this happen to myself? Why didn’t I run right away? Why didn’t I tell my sister? But I didn’t know better, I didn’t even know what was happening or what it was. But how is an 8-year-old supposed to know she’s being sexually assaulted when she’s unfamiliar with the word itself?
Four years later, I had an epiphany about what had happened to me. The experience had been shoved in a far away compartment in my brain. I confronted my sister about what had happened to me, and tears began flooding her eyes. In efforts to console her, I told her that I was okay and that he could no longer harm me. “He’s been offering to buy me toys and games in exchange for my body,” Valentina confessed while trying to catch her breath. The pain I saw in her eyes expressed years of suffering. I was in shock, I asked her “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” She looked into my eyes and replied “For the same exact reason you didn’t tell me, I was embarrassed.” I grabbed her and held her closely, hoping that my presence would provide her the same comfort she provided me. Neither one of us knew of each other’s agony, both of us burying our suffering in the layers of our minds. Two innocent and naive little girls were blaming themselves for the atrocities that were welcomed into their home.
What I had come to learn was that the more I talked about what I experienced the easier it was for me to heal from it. In Middle School, most kids begin to understand the meaning of a friendship and the intimacy of it. I shared the secret I had hid for so long with the girls I called my best friends. What I didn’t expect was to find out almost every single one of my best friends had encountered sexual assault throughout their lives. Although I was completely astonished, I finally felt free from the idea that what I had experienced was my fault. Then throughout High School, as I began meeting new people, I began learning more and more about people’s experiences. That’s when I learned that not only had many girls encountered sexual assault throughout their lives, but several boys had as well. It took me almost seven years to realize that I wasn’t alone and although it is a sad truth, sexual assault is something most people encounter in their lives.
Sexual assault is a form of sexual violence. It is the action of unwanted touching. Sexual assault does not discriminate against race, gender, or religion. On the website of the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), it states, “Nearly one in five women in the United States have experienced rape or attempted rape some time in their lives” (“About Sexual Assault”). It also states, “In the United States, one in 71 men have experienced rape or attempted rape” (“About Sexual Assault”). The next time you are in a room full of people, remember these statistics. Sexual assault is more common than most people believe. A majority of the people we surround ourselves with have been affected by this. A great deal of the time, most people that have experienced sexual assault have been abused by someone they know. As stated on the NSVRC website, “Nearly three out of four adolescents (74%) who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well” (“About Sexual Assault”). Sexual assault can come from the people we least expect. I am now familiar with these statistics because I can understand the world and its many complexities. But as a little girl, I believed I was alone in my experience. I feared that people would view me differently or that they wouldn’t believe me if I told them. However, growing up to realize that sexual assault is a frequently occurring issue has made me feel safe enough to share my experience with others.
I do not remember learning about sexual assault until it was a brief unit in my seventh-grade health class. But by that time it was too late, I had already experienced it before fully acknowledging what it even was. Since I experienced something I was so uneducated on, it led me to form false ideas in my head. For example, the idea that I was the one to blame for what happened to me. The idea that I had was supposed to feel ashamed for what happened to me. The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the United State’s largest anti-sexual violence organization (“Survivor Stories”). The website provides victim services, public education, public policy, and consulting and training. They also provide a hotline that provides services 24/7.
On their website, there are various survivors of sexual assault recounting their stories. Nelson Hincapie, a survivor of sexual assault, proclaimed, “I don’t think it’s talked about at all. I think that for heterosexual men to be abused in their childhood by adult males it is a source of great shame and deep wounds" (“Survivor Stories”). Nelson didn’t have the proper resources or support to help him heal from this trauma. As a result, the only way he knew how to cope was through unhealthy mechanisms such as drug abuse. This is a prime example of why we need to bring more awareness to sexual assault. Especially at a young age, this information is crucial. Without the knowledge of what sexual assault is, most kids won’t even realize what they’re experiencing.
However, luckily as society has progressed so has the awareness of sexual assault. In 2006, the Me Too Movement was created by the survivor and activist Tarana Burke. The purpose of the movement is to bring “resources, support, and pathways to healing where none existed before” (metoomvmt.org). In 2017, the #MeToo hashtag quickly exploded throughout the internet and suddenly millions of survivors were sharing their stories. Millions of people reached the courage to recount their stories because they felt they had a whole community standing behind them. As stated on metoomvmt.org, “More than 12 million in the first 24 hours, and over 19 million in the first year” had opened about their experiences with sexual violence. This opened a gate to healing they never thought they would ever find. The Me Too Movement website offers a Survivor Healing Series, “A 7-week online series that is created for survivors, by survivors, with a focus on introducing tools and practices that help navigate crisis and trauma, and begin to rebuild a sense of safety, joy, and purpose” (metoomvmt.org). This program has helped millions of people on their healing journeys. Although this is a massive progression for sexual violence survivors, we must not stop here. The more we educate people on this topic, the easier it will be to prevent future occurrences. As Tarana Burke stated, “So that one day, nobody ever has to say “me too” again” (metoomvmt.org).
Sexual assault comes disguised in many shapes and forms. It can come from the people we are closest to, family, friends, teachers, or coaches. In my adolescent years, it was hard for me to comprehend what had happened to me. This made it difficult for me to heal from what I had experienced. If we reinforce sexual assault warning signs, we can prevent children from being confused when facing a situation like mine. If we provide the necessary support systems for survivors, we can help them heal from their emotional and physical traumas. I stand here as a survivor, willing to share my story, so other survivors know they are not alone.
Works Cited
“About Sexual Assault.” National Sexual Violence Resource Center. https://www.nsvrc.org/about-sexual-assault. Accessed February 9, 2021.
Burke, Tarana. me too. Movement, https://metoomvmt.org, Accessed January 20, 2021.
“Survivor Stories.” RAINN. https://www.rainn.org/stories, Accessed February 9, 2021.
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